Sunday, July 24, 2011

Mountains & Baseball

Who knew that the mountains and baseball would have anything in common!? This weekend I experienced spiritual healing and soul refreshing from both.

See, I've been feeling very anxious, stressed, overwhelmed lately. I've been on edge, irritable, cranky and just not myself. After a day of God's powerful, miraculous nature in the mountains, I was finally beginning to feel more like myself. We ended up at Elbow Falls by taking a wrong turn, but such a beautiful place that shows God's power and majesty in action!! Then we finally made our way to Canmore where we drove up to Spray Lakes and were directed to a hiking trail that took us up a mountain to a beautiful waterfall. The boys hiked the whole 1.5 hours to the top, then we played in the snow and took photos of ourselves by the water. It felt like we were on top of the world. I felt almost normal coming back down the mountain, racing with Andrew and Charlie, singing at the top of our lungs. When down, I taught the boys how to fish, they're pretty good at it! LOL They were disappointed to not catch anything, but I promised them we'd go again.

Today, we took in a baseball game that we won tickets to from Shine 88.9 FM (Calgary). What a delightful, relaxing way to spend the day, especially with all of us being tired still from yesterday. I thoroughly enjoyed it and just felt myself relaxing, my soul becoming refreshed and rejuvenated.

I'm finding myself returning to normal. It's not going to be simple or easy. But I will get there. I was dancing again today.

Friday, July 22, 2011

I feel like I'm drowning.

There is no other way to put it lately. I'm drowning in all the things I am failing at. I'm not failing at everything, and I'm not really failing at the things I feel like I'm failing in (does that make sense?) but I feel like I'm drowning, like everything I touch or grab a hold of to keep me above water just sinks with me. I feel overwhelmed, and the undercurrents are dragging me downstream towards a great big waterfall that I will never even reach the bottom of, let alone be able to survive it.

God is sustaining me. I know that. I'm not truly drowning, in fact, I'm probably even making progress upstream, or might even have my head on dry ground and only my body is lying in the water trying to float away with me.

God is teaching me about perspective.  I wish He'd just rescue me, pick me up, brush me off, kiss my boo boos and make everything ok. I guess even if that were possible, if my leg is broken, it has to heal. If my spirit is broken, same thing. Healing takes time and it's painful. He has the power to heal me, but what if there is a lesson I or someone else needs to learn? Miracles happen daily, but not to everyone. He knows what's best for me.

I'm just tired. I don't feel good. I'm worn out, stressed, anxious, depressed, worried, overwhelmed and lacking in resources to do what needs to be done let alone what I want to do.

Thank you God for my good friends. The ones who cry with me, dance with me, share with me and love me no matter what. Thank you for sustaining me. Give me patience today to run a good race, to be patient, loving and kind. Help me to dance again, no matter what!