Monday, November 26, 2012

Borrowed Time

I heard a song on the radio the other day (Good to be Alive, by Jason Gray), not for the first time, but it started me thinking...

I feel like I`m living on borrowed time, my siblings were both dead before they reached my age. Yet, I frequently don`t feel like it`s Good to Be Alive. What does it mean to live on borrowed time? What does it mean to you?

There are two ways to live on borrowed time. The first is to live in fear that this will be your last day. I can understand this way of thinking because I have great responsibilities. I have two boys who need their mom and if I'm on borrowed time, that could mean a short time and I want them to know I love them, I would do anything for them and I would never leave them on purpose. At the same time, living in fear is never a good option. It fills your life with angst, pain, anger, frustration and ineffectiveness. I don't want to teach them that way of living. I want them to continue living in joy and delight.

The second way to live on borrowed time is like it says in the song. To give everything you have to the moment. To live joyfully, to see everything like it is the last time, or the first time you are experiencing it. This is a harder way to live. This means to forget what might happen tomorrow, to leave the worries behind because you might not be there anyway. To fulfill today what today holds. The Bible talks about that actually,  in Matthew 6:25-34 Jesus speaks specifically about worrying. Verse 34 says:
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
It's a slightly different twist on living like there's no tomorrow. Jesus just advises us to leave tomorrow alone until we get to it. We need to deal with today, with what today holds because it is more than enough for us to bear. He never intended that we try to deal with all our troubles and challenges in one day, He deliberately separated the days for us to take it in small enough chunks to handle. I can't handle things if I try to take them all at once. We have to "chunk it" to effectively manage... our work, our homes, our families, our schedules, learning new things, etc. I can't do tomorrows jobs today and thinking about them will not get today's work done any faster by focusing on what needs to be done tomorrow.

I am sliding off topic just a little there, but the concept remains. To truly live like you are on borrowed time does not mean living in fear of there being no tomorrow, it means to live for today. To deal with today and it's tasks, problems and joys in a way that leaves a legacy of happy remembrances for those who are left tomorrow. To trust God that tomorrow will be taken care of, whether or not I am here because He will be here. It's hard to do. Even harder when I look at my boys and try to imagine what would happen to them if I was suddenly gone... Given my family history however, that is something that is often on my mind. I need to teach them to trust God, to know He will always be there, whether or not I am. I need to trust that God will take care of them, no matter what.

Living on borrowed time means dreaming my dreams and making my plans, but not clinging to them so hard that it means the end of the world for all if they somehow fall through. It means trusting God to be in charge of my life, my plans, my dreams, my family and more. He knows the beginning from the end and He will make all things good. If I pursue my dreams today, then I have done what I can. If I fail to pursue my dreams, then I fail myself and my children. If I work today then I achieve all I can. If I have tomorrow then I can continue to pursue those dreams, if I don't there will be no regrets that I didn't do as much as I could.

Live like there's no tomorrow, love like you're on borrowed time, don't waste the time we're given.

And, dance like no one's watching!!!

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